Surviving Return to Work as a First Time Parent During a Global Pandemic
I will start this article with three caveats: 1)The content is framed from my personal experience, so it is unique and may not directly apply to you. 2) I am speaking primarily to women, but some of this content applies to men. 3)I am very fortunate to be employed by a progressive company that offered 14 weeks of paid leave while I was bonding with my baby. Not all employers in the United States are this generous, so I know I am privileged.
Now….let’s begin.
This is my personal timeline:
Became first time mom in 2020 →Moving into 2022 still recovering
I was one of those lucky moms who planned the timing of my pregnancy carefully, but I inevitably got dumped on by the unexpected arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic. My only child was born during the beginning of the 2020 lockdown in my state in the U.S., so my life was turned upside down in more ways than one.
Parenting is intense on its own. But throw on top of that the isolation of quarantines, paralyzing fear, civil unrest, and a country that was polarized politically, you get something like this.
Before I left on parental leave I imagined my return to work to be one in which I was physically welcomed back by my boss and colleagues. I was looking forward to seeing their faces, having lunch together, sharing photos of my new offspring, and catching up on all the work gossip. I imagined sitting at my desk in the office in a separate space from my infant. That didn’t happen. Not even close.
Instead, I struggled to navigate remote work with a demanding baby as my co-worker and no dedicated office space. It was 💩.
Here are some key learnings from my experience. If you are a first time parent during this nightmare, take these tips or don’t take them. Do what works for you, my friend.
It’s Okay to Not Have It Together
When I “came back” from my maternity leave, I had no idea what I would be stepping into. During my leave, my teams were asked to work from home to slow the spread of the virus. Most of us didn’t have equipment or space to support that type of work, and I was no exception. I wasn’t really guided on what to do, so I ended up working out of my in-law’s smelly and cluttered basement. Some of my equipment was provided by my employer; some I had to purchase on my own.
Get good at troubleshooting on your own. Internet can be spotty working from home when you are streaming calls all day, so I became my own IT professional. There were times when I had to find more reliable areas to work, and there were times that I had to work from my home. That meant there was a baby screaming occasionally in the background.
At first this was embarrassing and frustrating. I prided myself on keeping my personal and professional life distinct. But the truth is that that notion got thrown out the window with the pandemic.
And here’s another secret: No one has it together. So it’s okay to have moments when you feel “unprofessional”. You are short on sleep, likely still breastfeeding, and in general trying to understand what the hell happened at work while you were out. So give yourself some grace. Be up front with your team and leader about the days when it is hard and you can’t do it all. Hopefully you work with folks that support your bad days as much as your good ones.
Seek Support Virtually
The thing that kept me from going totally insane was my use of technology to stay connected to friends and family. You know that phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child,”? Well my village was no where…except on my smart phone and computer. My child got so used to video calls with family that he learned very early how to end a Marco Polo or Google Duo. There are tons of apps. Find one you like.
There were also plenty of online resources for connecting to moms postpartum. You need this. Find support groups in your area that are meeting virtually, and reach out to a mental health clinic near you. There are so many benefits to therapy and medication after having a baby. Depression and unusual thoughts and behavior just happen. Normalize this! Your body went through some serious shit, so your brain did too. You don’t need to be nervous or scared.
Get Comfortable with Pumping or Breastfeeding During Calls
This is for those mamas who make the brave and very hard decision to breast feed beyond your parental leave. Some mamas physically can’t and some mamas choose not to breastfeed. It’s all good. Believe me — my journey with breast feeding was not easy. So fed is best.
But if you are breast feeding, like me, you will need to pump or latch your baby when you have a let down. (If you don’t have a breast pump — get one.) Which could be anytime during the day! The twins don’t care if you have a call or a meeting. So mute yourself when you can, and turn off your camera. It’s weird for sure, but it’s also necessary.
Connect with Other Parents at Work
I’m 99% confident that other parents are feeling some of the same pain as you at your company. If not, at least they can offer a listening ear and you’ll have the opportunity to vent your frustrations. I was very fortunate to have birthed my child with a cluster of other women at my company. We have phone calls and text each other regularly about all the crazy in our lives raising pandemic babies.
Skill Up
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention growing your skills during this time. I know it seems impossible. But you can do this. I participated in a 3 month internship following my parental leave to polish and refine my product management skills. There are lots of online learning resources too! (Pluralsight, Coursera, Product School, YouTube, LinkedIn Learning, etc, etc) Learn while your baby naps. I look back at that time of learning and realize how much of a badass I am. ;)I had goals outside of parenthood, and I really wanted to hit those goals professionally. You are a badass too. You’ve got this.
Thank you for reading my thoughts on this unique experience, and good luck to all the new parents out there!
